


The Regrettable Position of Being Alive

by EdosianOrchids901



Series: Plain Simple Prompts [27]
Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, Chronic Pain, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Headaches & Migraines, M/M, POV First Person, POV Julian Bashir, Post-Episode: s02e22 The Wire, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 19:22:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16165331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EdosianOrchids901/pseuds/EdosianOrchids901
Summary: Dialogue prompt: “Just stop. You’ve done enough already.”





	The Regrettable Position of Being Alive

**Author's Note:**

> Part of a series of ficlets based on dialogue prompts from Tumblr. Written 6/18.

Once again, Garak’s quarters were nearly pitch black, the only real illumination coming from the replicator panels. The stars provided just enough light for me to see his silhouette against the viewport. 

“Garak?” I called, cautious. 

“What do you want?”

Stifling a sigh, I took a few careful steps into the darkened room. “I just came by to see how you were feeling. Are you still having headaches?”

“That could be a viable explanation for why I’m sitting here with the lights deactivated, yes,” he replied, tone clipped. “You may as well leave me in peace, Doctor.”

“In peace. Right.” I leaned on his desk, eying him. I couldn’t see his expression, but the tense, rigid set of his shoulders and neck told me that he was in considerable pain. “Look, why don’t you let me give you a painkiller or something?”

In response, he shook his head. “No.”

“Garak,” I chided, setting my kit down and searching for the appropriate medication. “There’s no reason for you to be in pain. Let me help you.”

I reached up with the hypo, and he shoved my hand away. “Just stop. You’ve done enough already.”

Taken aback, I crossed my arms. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh goodness, Doctor, what could I possibly mean?” He gave a short huff, splaying his palm against the viewport. “I wouldn’t be in this regrettable position if not for your insufferable interference.” 

“The regrettable position of being alive, you mean?” The sarcasm slipped from me before I thought it through, and I winced. Winding Garak up even more wouldn’t help the situation at all. 

“It is quite unfortunate.” Bitter now, he turned and sank onto the viewport ledge. “It’s not as though this is a compelling existence. And now, with the implant gone, there’s nothing to remotely improve it.”

“It was killing you, Garak.”

He gave a short laugh. “My dear Doctor, I think you’ve rather missed the point of what I just said.”

“No, not at all.” Spinning his desk chair around, I took a seat. Now that I was at his level again, the minimal light reflected off a pair of intense, angry eyes. “I know you’re miserable, and I know you’re in a lot of pain right now. But whether or not you wanted to survive losing the wire, you did.”

Garak tilted his head. “If you stay true to form, I assume this is going to lead to some cheery Federation babble about the power of positivity, or some such nonsense.” 

Despite my worry for him, I chuckled. “I know you better than that. Besides, right now if I told you to ‘just stay positive’, I’m pretty sure you’d punch me.” 

He stiffened, pulling back. After a moment, he ducked his head, breaking eye contact. “Doctor,” he began, voice now shockingly soft, “I never apologized for attacking you while I was experiencing withdrawals. I… deeply regret my actions. You’ve been nothing but kind to me. You’ve shown me consideration and care that I’ve never before experienced. To repay you with an assault was inexcusable. In truth, I marvel that you’ve not abandoned me after that monstrous display.” 

“Garak, no.” Without thinking, I reached out to grasp his hand. His eyes flew up, wide with shock, and I wondered how rarely he’d been touched with kindness. “None of what happened during the withdrawals was your fault, okay? I’m not angry with you for any of it. And look – you’re still adjusting to not having the wire. The headaches, the depression, the anxiety… all of it is understandable.”

To my surprise, he squeezed my hand. “That’s very gracious of you, Doctor.” 

That particular response meant that he was still absolutely livid with himself, but I decided not to push him on that for now. Instead, I nodded and smiled. “I’m here for you, Garak. I’ll do anything I can do help.”


End file.
